Superpowers For the Fellowship
by grafiti rtk
Summary: we give the fellowship superpowers! completely insane, inane, profane, and some other nonsense. full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: OK so the members of the fellowship each receive superpowers to help them on their quest. Problem is we (Grafiti rtk and I (ESZK)) being the creators of this fic are asked to give them these magical powers. However we did not explain to Elrond we suck at magic so the powers are a little…useless, or are they?

The entire story is completely insane please R+R.

**Disclaimer**: of course we own it…I mean no we do not own LOTR and gain no profit from writing this story.

Chapter one: The meeting

Once upon a time in a land far far away from Middle Earth two girls decided to have caffeine. They got so hyper they ripped a hole in the very fabric of time hence ending up in Rivendell of all places. Witnessing this entrance was the lord of Rivendell himself, Elrond. "Holy moly!" said Elrond. "More strange looking females". The last time this had happened he remembered he started compulsively torturing Legolas, Frodo and Sam started making out and Gimli was the comic relief. The last ones to come here had explained themselves as the all powerful fanfiction writers, capable of altering reality itself. This gave him an idea. Cautiously he approached the two girls ready to ask for a favor.

"Excuse me; are you two writers of the fanfiction?"

"Why yes, yes we are" answered Grafiti

"I concur" agreed ESZK

"You must be alterers of the space time continuum"

"Alterers isn't a word" said ESZK

"Don't disagree with the lord of Rivendell!"

'Don't tell me what to do"

"Shutup" yelled Elrond.

"Shut up is two words, you and your bad punctuation." Answered ESZK always arguing

Elrond gritted his teeth this was going to be difficult. "I have a simple request for you, change reality so that the members of the fellowship have powers to help them destroy the one ring."

"We can't just do that, there's stuff involved. There are highly fanfictionized rules that must be adhered to. They can't just have superpowers, they must receive them."

"Then you give them some, just whip up a few potions your writers so write some"

"Fine" they both answered triumphantly "we accept this task" then they marched off to prepare the necessary disclaimers, summaries and some potions.

"You know," said ESZK "they'll let anyone be a lord these days"

"How so?"

"Well if he had any lordly wisdom he would have asked us to just get them all automatically to Mount Doom unseen and this could all be over in less than a page"

"Ah well…this is much more fun" giggled Graffiti hyperly, and off they went.

And soon they returned.

"Howdy all!"

"We got some potions for you!"

"Frodo you first" squealed Graffiti "you're the cutest" (Legolas looked sort of hurt as he always thought he was the cutest).

This went on for each character until each potion was administered.

"Boromir, you go last, 'cause you die in the end" said Graffiti. "Oh my god! Did I just say that?"

"What she meant was you are supposed to die but instead we give you three lives" _Oh well it was something like that_ E (ESZK will now be going by E as it is shorter and easier to write. E is copyrighted property by ESZK) thought.

"Well what do these all do?" asked Pippin.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" the two authors looked at each other.

"Crud we forgot the paper where we wrote them, for now just try to figure it out"

And they set off on the difficult quest to find the paper labeled **superpowers **in the hit-by-a-tornado room of Grafiti rtk. As they left E could be heard saying "hey, wasn't Frodo just holding a green bottle?"

"Yeah"

"I could've sworn that was the one we had put poison in…"

"Well" answered Graffiti "END OF CHAPTER ONE"

**Review or Frodo gets it.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Start of Chapter Two" said E in response to the bizarre answer Graffiti gave earlier.

"Oh and by the way you never answered me about what had poison in it"

"Well…since the nice people reviewed I guess it wasn't poison, it'll just be enough to make Frodo do a little dance."

"What!" yelled Frodo in the background clutching a now empty green bottle.

The effects of the caffeine were suddenly starting to wear off and in this time E and Graffiti had a memory boost and remembered what the superpowers were.

"We had a long talk about what your powers should be. We had some VERY good ideas, but unfortunately we couldn't use them, seeing as they were copyrighted. But we did manage to get some that weren't."

"Why were these not taken?" Legolas asked nervously.

"No reason", said Graffiti, with a large, cheesy smile. "They're actually pretty good!"

"Frodo, you were given the power of ultimate rhyming."

"But…"

"See! You just said What, and now you said But!"

"Sam, you've got a pretty good one. You can talk to grass!" E said, enthusiastically.

"How is _that_ supposed to help me with anything?"

"You'll be able to ask directions!"

"But I'm a guy! I can't do that anyway!"

"What_ever_. Pippin, you have the super ability to tell really horrible jokes!"

"That is, like, _so_ lame!"

"And besides," Merry said, "he already does that."

"But not like _this_", E replied.

"Merry, you can sing for hours on end."

Merry was happy. He _liked _to sing.

"Gimli, you can make people think of clams at any given moment." Graffiti added.

"He should be able to, he already looks like one!" said Pippin, already using his power.

"Aragorn, you can turn into inanimate objects. Whenever you want."

He stared blankly, at the two hyper teens. "Why would I want to?"

"You're so inanimate, it's scary!" That was Pippin.

"Boromir, you can only die if three arrows are stuck in you and they stay there all at the same time, yet if its only one and you pull it out it's alright."

"I know, that was highly detailed." said E, very proud of herself.

"Gandalf, you have the ability to do magic… with your staff… I guess you already knew that, though."

"That's not fair", he sulked.

"It's plenty fair that you have magic. We could take it away!"

"Anyway, go play with your new powers." E said, shooing them away. "See you all later."

"Wait! What did I get?" asked Legolas.

"You're too perfect, so you don't get anything. Besides, you need to be picked on. It's kind of a rule."

Legolas stormed off (very prettily, I might add) and fell into a giant gaping pit that no one had noticed before.

"Help me!" he cried. No one answered. The fellowship (minus Legolas) went off to use their new powers which even though they dissed before they still had a lot of trouble figuring out.

Aragorn attempted to turn into various inanimate objects but all he could manage each time was to turn into a pink furry pen for a few seconds.

Frodo could not make himself stop rhyming

"I really hate this power…hey look! A pretty little flower"

And all he could manage was to say nonsense such as that.

As for Sam he was nearly bored to tears as all the grass kept on talking about was growth cycles. However now he also gained the power to pass a sixth grade biology test, but that did not comfort him much.

Gimli continuously made everyone that came within three feet of him think of clams, he became very lonely very soon.

Everyone got really mad at Pippin as not only were his jokes terrible, but they were about all of them and poor Pippin could not keep his big mouth shut. "Aragorn's hair is so dirty that he should take a shower!"

And Merry nearly suffocated himself from lack of breath as he could not manage to stop singing.

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves everybody's nerves everybody's nerves I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes… oh…"

As for Boromir he experimentally shot arrows into his heart but he only decided to do it one at a time. After the first though, he quickly decided not to as it was still excruciatingly painful.

After three hours Legolas reappeared, not dirty as you would expect after being down a hole. As he and Gandalf both gazed upon the scene that lay before them they suddenly were thankful that they did not receive these incredibly obnoxious powers.

Soon the fellowship gathered together as they had to leave for Mordor.

Mordor is smelly said Pippin (then laughed very hard).

Smelly or no we must go there said Aragorn, "They're all smelly" thought Legolas "why did I sign up for this…clams are really awesome"

END OF CHAPTER TWO

end of chapter two was sung by Merry in a deep opera voice

Now it's the end of the chapter

Please review (We know it makes no sense)


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